FOUR FUNERALS & ONLY ONE WEDDING!

MY EARLY YEARS -- 1960-1980

Four Funerals & Only One Wedding!

As an Angel in the Elysian Fields, dealing with souls of the dead was pretty much routine. Thankfully, I'd never dealt with actual dead bodies… I may have the diligence to deal with the spirits of the dearly departed (and you'll see my encounters here). However, it was a stressful time as a Human as after all, I was barely 6 years old! Here we go… Sadness galore and one wee ray of sunshine, sort of (giggles).

If you look back at your childhood, you expect fun, sunny days, getting up to mischief with your friends at school. Seven short years that bring back sweet memories, minus the troubles with education but that's for later hahaha...

If only Real Life was always like this... Seven years which began in 1966. First year of actual learning where you're only concerned with a curiosity of discoveries: reading, writing and arithmetic..

Don't get me wrong, to this day, I enjoy learning something new at least once a day (yes, Angels know a vast amount of knowledge but now onto Earthly discoveries, I loved studying)... However, my education would be put aside, my progress ignored because by November 1966 all this would change.

° ° °

THE FIRST FUNERAL

A Sunday night, dreary, bleak and bitterly cold, second Mass of the day for grand-uncle nicknamed by his two initials L A. Known to us all that way, whereas officially he was known as Monsieur Louis-Albert Cotillard.

Although he was considered an outsider, he's still my grand-uncle, the younger brother of my maternal grand-mother, Marie-Anne (née Cotillard) Bessons. He had been exiled from the family seat in Paris, after giving up Protestantism to join a group called the Knights of Columbus who were a Catholic group. He had requested help from his two sisters but only Marie-Anne agreed to take him in and give him shelter.

Ambriel, Marie-Anne's younger sister, was married to Armaros Boucherez, a French Judge in Paris. However, she lived in Châteaubernard in a grand mansion which was full of children. Something Louis-Albert disliked immensely.

Ambriel and Armaros had married when Ambriel was just 16, in 1916. Armaros Boucherez being Spanish of ancestry but born in France, still enjoys a huge "Familia".

Therefore, Ambriel popped one out every nine months as such: Adria, Biel, Carolina, Darnell (funny story of how he received his name -- while the registrar was there at his birth, Armaros, who expected a girl, exclaimed in English, "Darn it!" and the registrar wrote Darnell LOL!). Followed by Evan, Francesca, Gaston, Hector and Isabeau.

From the time he joined, in 1913, the KoC, Louis-Albert had lived with Marie-Anne. He'd walked away from his regular beliefs and, to the surprise of everyone in his family, converted to Catholicism. It was a required element as he had been invited to join the Knights by a colleague at work.

He had attended the regular morning service and later on a second mass at his Knight of Columbus gathering. The temperature had dropped later in the day. Typical for the month of November. Nevertheless, it was a bitterly penetrating cold.

Shortly after crossing the road, around 11pm at night, a sharp pain exploded squarely in the middle of his chest. He crumpled to his knees, never to awake again.

The phone rang around midnight… We were all in bed, fast asleep and all was quiet in our house. You can imagine that we jumped out of our skins. Phones were very loud back then in the amusingly called "The Swinging Sixties". They were huge apparels, didn't have volume control and you couldn't unplug them for a quiet night's sleep.

Therefore, it was shocking to hear this, ring-ring, we were on edge. Papa was the one to answer after scrambling down the staircase and we followed minutes later, just in time to him hanging up and telling us to get dressed quickly! We turned back up the stairs but Delphine and I wondered why we couldn't get back to bed as we both had school in the morning.

Delphine had disliked the boarding she was at and had thrown a fit and was now attending a local secondary school. I wasn't boarding yet, that would happen later.

One day later, heavy clouds covered Monday, the first funeral as any experienced any other day, but with a difference of a grand Ceremonial that would accompany him to his final journey.

A crimson coloured metallic coffin with a fully lit "Last Supper" scene in the opening cover of his coffin. Two guards with swords in full regalia, consisting of a black 3 piece suit, white shirt and a full length black cape with red satin lining completed with top hats.

Heads bowed and for a six years old, something newly discovered while overlooking this grand sight -- two wee blocks of wood are to be found below the swords for the sharp end to rest on and not destroy the funeral parlour's carpet.

A wake with a difference due to grand-uncle, Louis-Albert, status and rank within the Knights of Columbus Association.

His funeral, such a special one, was covered by the local newspaper. That is where it all fell down for myself, Evangeline. The photographer told me to place my left hand on the cold body of my deceased grand-uncle, to half-turn, look at the camera and... SMILE!

Yes!!! I was told to smile... it brought the assembled up in a chorus of displeasure... And I've suffered nightmares for years to come…

° ° °

The one Wedding, that would break the mourning that everyone was stuck in. In the year 1968, after her celebrated engagement, Delphine, of pain and embarrassment, would at last marry her Zachary.

When the Church gets involved with a family regarding an upcoming marriage, it means quite a few things. In the case of Delphine it had to do with the reputation of Zachary Blackhearts' family.

Even though his Father had been an outstanding Gendarme of the The gendarmerie nationale which is part of the army, as he dealt with serious crimes within rural areas, the way he had passed away was controversial. Therefore, his entire family was plunged into deep poverty as his pension was withheld.

It took a few decades for the whole matter to be cleared but by then Zachary's Mother had died, the children had made good lives. However, Sons of a Gendarme had the bad habit of being drawn to illegal activities… Needless to say, the apple never falls far from the tree... As their Father had been wrongfully accused, some of his Brothers, including himself, were branded bad apples.

What I've discovered throughout my years here on Earth is that Zachary's bad behaviour consisted of animal cruelty, cats or dogs, he didn't discriminate he just hurt them all. Stealing wine bottles, sometimes as many as 12 in a week, then he proceeded to steal full crates or even barrels with the help of his Brothers.

The only time he got caught for any of his shenanigans was whenever he grabbed things in the mercantile which happened to belong to the grand-parents of Delphine, his obviously future relatives-in-law. Oh the cheek of him…

Gramps Bessons was a patient man, too patient some would say as he gave anyone the benefit of the doubt by allowing them finger-pinchers his "one-two-three now you're caught" attitude.

Zachary was a repeat offender, therefore he spent nights at the local gaol causing a huge embarrassment to the Gendarmes who remembered his Papa having been in the force.

The conversation with the Church elders went on for a full six months. In the end, Delphine had reached the age of 21 and was legally unobstructed from marrying whomever she wanted to marry.

For this wedding to take place now, only the Church had to be changed 

the bride-to-be is having an argument with the groom-to-be over the choice of flower girl...

As you know fathers have the job to pay for their daughters' wedding (unless he has died by the time daughter number 2 finds the love of her life and mother who was hoping for this last child to be a son, declines and the wee girl has to pay her own way...).

So, the job of flower girl falls to the wee girl, the wee sister of the Bride-to-be... The groom-to-be wants his favourite niece to fill in the job -- long-story short, the dress available at the Bridal Rental does not fit said niece, but the sister's wee girl.

Oh don't you see, this wedding should never have taken place. Both parties are tying the knot after their respective partner left them. For the groom-to-be the ring was thrown in his face, for the bride-to-be, he told her that his mother wanted him to marry the Irish green-eyed girl that's been next door all along. Oh dear...

It's 6 am on the big day -- our wee girl is gasping for air as 3 entire hairspray bottles are dumped on her head to hold the curl in her side ponytail. She has asthma and no one bothered to tell the hairdresser that none is to be used other than gel.

She already has a massive migraine as she was forced to sleep with extremely uncomfortable rollers overnight. The shower she took with her hair in a plastic bag was done after everyone else and guess what? The boiler is completely empty of hot water...

It's September, bright, unfortunately frigid -- dressed in a chiffon dress tubular fashion with a very tight belt under her non-existent chest -- after all she's only eight years old and the particular faery is due four years later.

Thanks to the Bride's energetic soft ball play a few days earlier, our wee girl needs to sport an extremely thick stain covering medical make-up -- yes, her big sister broke her nose!

The whole wedding party is dressed for the occasions with loads of fur (I hear you scream: WHAT? Yo, it was popular back then). However, the Bridesmaid and the flower girl have to deal with the cold wind of this blustery September morning, the first of the autumn... Chiffon dress in light blue for the Bridesmaid who sports a chic bun made up of all her bottle blond hair along with short sleeves and what I call Egyptian make-up with Elizabeth Taylor style false lashes.

Bridesmaid and flower girl, jump out of the Bridal car and rush up the church's stairs in order to get inside lickety-split -- ah no such luck to enter warmth yet, photographer wants to take pics.

Yeah, 25 of them... by the time Blue and Pink girls make it in the knave of the church -- their hands are frozen to their flower bouquets.

The night before the rehearsal had gone perfectly -- why? No one had touched the free flowing spirits -- the Bride-to-be had a snoot-full. Now, everyone else is seated waiting for the ceremony to begin, the flower girl is the first one to walk on the organ resounding notes of "Here Comes the Bride" yes, very traditional...

Her legs feel as if they have turned to jelly -- no booze for her, but she is oh so very shy, it's a difficult time for her to face all of immediate and distant relatives staring down at her, as if they're waiting for her to make a mistake...

Our wee flower girl counts in her head, the first notes ring out and looking ahead sees the wedding co-ordinator giving her the sign. Deep breath and one together, two together and so on.

Suddenly, the whole assembly explodes in laughter -- the flower girl just wants to disappear through the wedding carpet... Oh wait, it's not her fault, phew! What a relief.

The laughter is directed at the Bride who had to puke and nearly pulled her father down in the puddle -- you can imagine the rest.

When the organist realises that the flower girl is walking alone with no Bride-to-be following, thankfully he stops. Our flower girl, who by now notices what happened, finds strength of heart and shouts -- "Well, would you hurry up, I've no plans to marry this guy today or any other day and definitely not in this fashion!".

The years of abuse by her big sister finally left the wee flower girl... Now, if you have watched such films as Four Weddings and a Funeral as well as Wedding Crashers, you know that many single girls use such venues to find their own happy-ever-after.

Sorry, but not always, especially when the only ones near your 8 years of age are first cousins who wouldn't dare be caught dancing with a cousin. So, our wee flower girl spent the night dancing with her 7 uncles. her father, grand-father and older first cousins whose girlfriends weren't invited.

The only thing that made it enjoyable for Pink girl was that she became a ballroom specialist dancer, where her father paid for extra lessons. Ooh, a lovely compensation.

Finally, the next day was party time for our wee flower girl, she was getting her big sister's bedroom with a double bed to boot. However, it wasn't a bed of roses, because Funeral number two was looming by mid 1969.

° ° °

FOUR FUNERALS AND A WEDDING, PART 3...

Third Grade/Primary year began in September 1968, just as every other had begun...

One very important event (VIP) the teachers said at the beginning of this school year was going to be repeated over and again throughout...

July 1969 was going to get us all on Earth to witness this VIP event, of course, I'm speaking of the Moon Landing.. Yes, it took place for real. No, it didn't happen, it was all cloak and mirrors -- you discuss this amongst yourselves. My story is not about the reality or make-believe of this event. It is more profound... going as far as to say, Spiritual...

For most of us, 1969 was the Height of The Flower Power, Mini-Skirts, Maxi Gothic/Vampire Style Black Coats, Go-Go Boots, Catsuits and the advent seeing fashion explosion that was to follow soon, the Platform shoes and the Afro Hair-Style.

Yes, the Beehive of the 50s-60s was dying fast, bouffant Hair-Style was going to be replaced by very little hairspray but loads of chemicals -- LOL! -- one Ozone-destroying chemical replaced by hundreds of Ozone-destroying chemicals -- all in the name of dastardly fashion...

This wee girl was longing for the day that she could own her own Go-Go Boots, Hot Pants in Hot Pink and a Maxi Black Vampire-Style Coat. What did she get -- a two piece Lime Green Swimsuit along with a Dress/Shirt again in floral green -- oh the horrors -- our wee girl is born in Spring -- not at all in line with Lime Green colours, which made her look utterly sick...

Taking where we left off, after the horrible wedding, she's slowly enjoying her new found bedroom and the spacious double bed. After the crazy Bridezilla four years of preparations, she wanted peace, quiet and to find solace in privacy...

She wanted to continue the regular learning, her newly found extra-curricular activity called Creative Writing -- just carry on with the good stuff. No! It was not to be as everyone spoke one word of regular things to be followed by a verbal diarrhoea of the upcoming Moon Mission from Apollo 11.

Talks of Buzz Aldrin, the pilot, Neil Armstrong, the Mission Commander and the rarely mentioned Michael Collins who remained aboard the main spaceship while the two first mentioned took the Eagle Module that was to land in the Sea of Tranquillity -- due date 20 July 1969...

Granted, I was excited! I had read my fair share of UFO books by then (home collection courtesy of my father) and a natural curiosity to see wee grey men popping up on the Moon surface (our natural satellite which I read popped out of molten Earth and created the Pacific basin). I may have been 8 to 9 years old by then, but my reading material was supplied by a natural curiosity acquired from reading The Atlas published by National Geographic.

Yes, I'm a Star Trekker -- 1966 going back a wee bit, had invaded our television screens -- a thirst to find out what was out there as eloquently uttered by James T Kirk -- to boldly go where no one has gone before. It created a curiosity of what was out there, just beyond the layers of O2 and what could be lurking amongst all those beautiful stars in the night skies.

Venus has always been the only planet found with the naked eyes, just there to the left, mostly, of Mother Moon. Enters into the picture, the one man, beside my father, who did not laugh at my questions, who used the Farmer's Almanac and said that the Moon was an important piece of rock that affected us all on a daily basis.

Grand-Pa, namely Joseph Arthur, always referred to as Gramps or Grand-Pa. A loving wee man who introduced this girl to the joys of Cultural Dining namely, Chinese Foods.

By age 2, I knew the pleasures of Chicken Fried Rice and a love of an entrée with a special fruity sauce that to this day is a missed delight, the EggRoll and Plum Sauce. The China Man, as he liked to be called, had made me a miniature set of chopsticks.

Gramps, was the man who always had a bag of sweets; hemp ropes and a plank of wood to make an impromptu swing, hanging from the garage roof. A beautiful hand-made swimming pool, rectangular metal base, covered in left-over rubber material from the diving club, dug into the back garden at a diving depth of six feet to which was attached a filter and recycling pod which kept the water clear and with a constant body temperature of 98.6°F

In a few words, Gramps was a Genius at DIY. Nevertheless, his knowledge of anything I asked was answered and completed with the books to support the answers to my never-ending questions.

Many a time, this man that was my Gramps, was referred to as the most patient man on Earth, close to having the patience of an Angel. When he gave you a promise -- it was a solid guarantee -- he would honour it no matter what.

Which brings me to the title of this story -- Funeral Number 2... I had not recovered from Funeral Number 1, it may have been just a very serious grand-uncle, but a free bottle of Pepsi and having the pleasure of finding the missing words for his daily Cross-Word from a strange dictionary, was regretted daily even after 3 years.

At the beginning of 1969, celebrations rang again after Yule Time... January heralded two birthdays, the aforementioned Gramps on the 8th followed by my dear Papa on the 12th. As we chose the 10th as a middle date to celebrate both grand occasions, obviously the subject that was on everyone's lips was the upcoming Moon Landing.

As usual, since I could get so much out of the teachers at the infernal school, I turned to Gramps to see him plunge into his vast knowledge and pulling a few strings amongst his many friends to know more about the Rocket itself, the module that was going to stay in orbit with said Michael Collins and the Eagle lander.

I sat at the dining table fascinated with every word that Gramps uttered partly in English and French. That day, he made a promise to me. As from the end of the School Year in June, I was packed daily to spend my time with Gramps until September came again.

Days passed, February's Holidays turned into March's one birthday blended with Easter -- a quarter of said Easter cake contained a miniature message of this wee girl's 9th birthday. April's rain arrived with a vengeance and washed away the winter's snow and the blossoming of the crocuses.

Followed by two intense months for myself May and June, cramming the studies to end this third year of Primary, doing as best as possible to ignore what was on, all around growing intensely now, simply on a daily basis, the landing of Humans on the Moon.

One night in early July, my parents were planning a trip for two -- two weeks of recovery from a 1968 crazy-intense wedding that had lasted four years -- they needed to recharge their batteries.

On their own, blissfully leaving this wee girl with a Gramps that loved her and a Grand-Mother who told her to stay out of her way. Shopping night, where they stocked up for provisions, Mother and Grand-Mother were doing the rounds of the three major Groceries Stores in the immediate area.

At the last one, I decided that I had enough and stayed in the car, reading material from the library by the car's interior light and listening to the radio's newscaster announcing that it was 8pm and what was the current news of the day.

Suddenly, Gramps clutched his chest and rendered a sound I'v